A Special – What I Have Learned

I'm Getting It.

I Got It!

One week that I didn’t go to church with my husband, he came home and said something that shook me to my core.  I hope I never, ever forget it.  And I share it with you all – just in case anyone out there needs to hear it.

So, what did he say?  As he usually did, he told me how his class with the young people went; what the sermon was about; and who asked about me or said hi.  But then he added quietly, “Nobody asks about me.”  Wow!

I heard the hurt in his voice and saw the sadness in his eyes.  But I immediately understood what he was saying.  People, in their well-meaning intentions to see how I’m doing, too often overlook him. 

His words hurt me too, because he was hurting.  It also made me wonder if I too had taken him too much for granted.  He is such a good man, and good to me.  He accepted me with this disability knowing it would get worse over the years.  But he is so thoughtful and kind; helping, encouraging, and always looking out for me.  And he is my best friend!

He is truly the “wind beneath my wings.”  I never want him feeling like our marriage is all about me and MS, and that he is invisible! 

With any sick person in a home – baby, child, teen, or adult, the whole household is affected.  But it’s easy for the phone calls, visits, and conversations to focus only on the sick person.  But others are there too.  Every day they are helping and supporting their loved one.  They have needs and problems; hopes, dreams and plans.  They want others to be interested in them too.

Before my husband shared this, I wondered if I had taken enough interest in what he was doing or wanting to do.  Did I say thank you enough?  But since then I make sure to say thank you for all that he does; let him know how much he is appreciated; ask about his hopes and dreams; encourage him to go and do things he likes; give him more hugs.  I need to do even better, because he does well for me every day.

So, now when people run over to us, but only talk to me, I gently remind them that, “Tony is here too.”

And for all of you who have a support person or a team of persons in your life, love them well; say thank often; do special things for them; ask about their lives and plans and problems; don’t let others ignore them.  And make it very hard for them to ever say, “Nobody asks about me.”

That’s all for now.  See you next time.

Copyright © 2013 Regina Spence

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